Wednesday, May 07, 2008


i feel like i'm in the middle of a wild paradox. i am an uncertain mix of emotions.

at any moment in the day, i am feeling a million contradicting thoughts.

today's thoughts:
i really wish i could give all religions a fair chance. but i cannot. because i have committed to Christianity. i am not unsatisfied. i just feel bad for all the other ones that i have ruled out, without really considering. i mean...i understand it. i don't feel like i need to abandon Jesus and check out all my options. i just feel bad that i never really gave the others a chance. it's like marrying your high school sweetheart.
i don't know if i need to explain the contradiction in this thought process. i feel like it would take a lot of words, so...i'm not going to. i think it's obvious enough.

the largest of my contradicting thoughts would be my attitude toward this place. there are so many things/people that i really have no interest leaving. i many. but then in the other pocket there are a crapload of things that i will never miss. i many not even think of them at all. the worst part would be these random semi-familiar faces that i see around campus. there are so many people here that i recognize and it's beginning to drive me crazy. people i just barely know, like maybe we had a class together or they've been to the BSM once. or i've helped them open their PO box before. for some reason, i just really want those vague, half-known people to go away. (which will come in the form of me going away.)

this is nonsense.

Sunday, May 04, 2008


lots going on.

not much to say.

more to come.